Parenting – Getting IT Right (Session 2)

Parenting Getting it Right

Sandra Stanley presented the 4 stages of parenting based on the various stages of age development:

 

  1. 0-5 years - the Discipline Years
  2. 5-12 years - the Training Years
  3. 12-18 years - The Coaching Years
  4. 18+ years old - The Friendship Years.

 

Perhaps these stages seem fairly intuitive, even basic. But kids move from one stage to the next without thought or effort, but their parents don’t. If you don’t evolve your parenting as your child develops, you undermine your influence with your child. The four stages of parenting provide a road map to help you navigate the challenges you’ll face and the celebrations you’ll enjoy in the years to come.

Parenting Getting it right - the Discipline Years

The Discipline Years

0-5 years:


  1. You teach your child that their actions have consequences—both good and bad. You want them to obey so they’ll be safe, strengthening their obedience muscles through multiple reps and appropriate consequences.  
  2. You can’t discipline for every single infraction, and you shouldn’t. So decide what specifically you will discipline for—such as disobedience, disrespect, and dishonesty—and be consistent.
  3. Use the words you’ve chosen—such as disrespect—when correcting and disciplining them. Similarly, praise and celebrate when they get it right. What is rewarded is repeated.
  4. Someone will discipline your kids. It can be you, starting early and being consistent while the stakes are lower, or it can be other authority figures—teachers, coaches, law enforcement, judges—down the road when the stakes are higher.
Parenting Getting it right - the Discipline Years

The Training Years

5-12 years


  1. You explain the why behind rules and expectations. You train while you explain. Your goal in this second stage is to help your kids gain the skills and values they need to succeed.
  2. The skills you want your kids to have in public, you must train them for in private. Two strategies that help with this are practices and redos. Practising manners, social behaviour, and situational choices can be made into fun games you can do over and over.
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